Thursday, January 30, 2014

A Pivitol Day

Well today it happened.  I was advised that my position with Verizon was no longer needed.  I got laid off.  But bear in mind, I volunteered.  I came into this with both eyes open, somewhat of a plan before it and for after the action.  Nothing on the surface of my life right now has changed a whole lot but after Feb 28th I will no longer be an employee.

The package was generous and all that I was hoping for.  I won't go into details but living frugually and within my means I am sure I can live comfortably in Aspen for over a year without having to submit to some other entity for a paycheck.  I will work, my focus being on my life coaching business and the niches that I am developing there.  THAT is my new job.

It is hard to put into words the emotions and sensations that I felt today.  For starters, I only got one hour of sleep last night.  I don't know if I was wound up about the layoff or it was the damned wind that was howling and keeping me awake.  I had to be at the office at seven in the morning and really, on a scale of 1-10 with ten being a great mood I was probably a solid 8 when I was driving in.  One of my favorite songs came on in the Jeep on my way in and that helped some.  It just seemed appropriate.  "I used think this day would never come..."

The discussion with my manager went very well.  He told me I was his first call of the day and would be the easiest due to the fact I was a volunteer, but volunteering or not, when it happens it is still quite shocking.  There is absolutely no denying whatsoever that my life has now gone around a huge corner in life and will never be the same. 15 years, 8 months and 12 days of my life spent in the corporate entity in one form or the other. 

But the emotions were a muddled mix of fear, excitement and surprisingly a huge sensation of liberation and relief that I was no longer a cog in that very large machine. I felt it again when I walked of the building.  The only time in my life I can compare it to, that sense of freedom, is when I left the military on my last day.  Freedom.

Now it is gung-ho, balls to wall, time to fish or cut bait.  Now that the employment thing is settled, the last gating factor standing in the way of me and my new life is Aspen will be selling the house.  And of course before I do that, there is still a lot I need to get rid of.  I am still an employee per se until the end of Feb but since they cut my access to all of our servers, there isn't anything I can do so from now on when I get up in the morning my job is getting rid of stuff by whatever means necessary and getting the house ready to show and sell.  Also working on my business and building that.

I suspect that now I am no longer emotionally tied to the corporation, I will have more energy to focus on personal stuff.  It was never the workload that taxed me but the culture, the bureaucracy, and I guess the knowing that I was part of a company that in my mind was and just a former shell of it's great self circa 90's and early 2000's.  I don't have to witness the corpse rotting anymore.  This rat has jumped ship.

I was back home around eleven and after taking care of administrative household stuff, I was able to settle down and take about an hour nap.  I woke up with that full blown sense of shock first thing that I had to talk myself down from.  I reckon that will be normal for a while until my mind adjusts to the new mental demands or lack of.

I am happy and proud of myself.  I played this out until the end.  I left with what I wanted and I left on my terms.  I didn't resign, I didn't quit, I feel I left honorably.  It was definitely time.

After my nap and getting myself back together, I went for a decent eight mile run. Gloomy as hell with wind, rain, sleet, ice and snow.  But the run did the job of grounding me and allowing me to process and celebrate my victory all at the same time. 

Crappy weather tomorrow for the forecast so it will definitely be an indoor trainer kind of day at the gym.  I am definitely ready for spring now.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so happy for you and Melissa that you are going to make a new life in Aspen together! Change is never easy but until the caterpillar is willing to go through the metamorphosis it can't be the butterfly! Good luck buddy!!!