First I ran up and over the mesa to the office and that is about five miles. I struggled the entire distance to just keep my heart rate above 135. It didn't help that it was cold, pretty much dark and I was bucking a north wind the entire way. I figured if I held on that once I caught the trail from 30th to Gossage Park, that I would be out of the wind and I would be able to move more easily.
I was supposed to increase my heart rate at this time to something over 140 or so and it might have gotten there for a little bit but for the next mile I really struggled more. Then it happened, I stopped. Me, myself and I, the entire collective said screw it, we are walking and that is what I did for quite some time.
Now everything is hurting. Left ankle, left shin, right knee, right IT Band, and to an extent my left knee. Oh, yeah... my mouth is still hurting from the two hours I spent in the dentist chair Monday morning. Add it all up and I just did not have the gumption to run at all.
So I walked some more. I figured I would just wuss out and call Melissa to come and get me and completely admit defeat but I kept plugging away. I'd run a bit then abruptly stop whenever the body demanded it or I would encounter a slight rise in the path. Mostly I walked and I would say that half of the twelve miles last night were walked. Very discouraging.
Finally I got home and Melissa met me at the door. She could see the defeat, disgust and disappointment in my face and didn't even blanch when I spoke. I told her this was a one time good deal. I was going to take a shower. She was to empty the change jars on the dresser into a bag and I was going to cash them in a the change machine and we were going to get pizza. Yes folks... Pizza.
See, as long as I can remember, I have always saved change. Save enough and it makes for a nice extra amount of spending money on vacations. I remember once in 1998 I had to use a change jar collection to buy groceries. But last night... last night was when the rainy day fund came in super handy. I got $72 bucks when all was said and done and we headed to Borriello Brothers for me to commence sinning, hard.
First of all, I got a large Moutain Dew. I have not had a Mountain Dew since December 2. It was awesome but not as awesome as the garlic knots that came with the salad. BREAD!!!! Warm bread, with butter and tons of garlic, even better. Then the pizza came and it alone restored my belief in god. Did I stop there? Hell no... off to King Soopers we went and I got a big piece of red velvet cake to eat with my leftover Mtn. Dew that I left with from the pizza parlor.
So there I was sitting on the couch and watching South Park and drinking soda and eating cake. Why the hell not? It's what the rest of America does every night pretty much, right? Why not me too?
So that is why I have a rainy day fund like that. I still have like forty bucks left over in my pocket for carrying around cash and that will last me a few days.
But back to the more pressing issue... besides me caving on the pizza, and the soda and the diet... oh and the cake, there is more afoot here. I am not happy about where I am as a runner and I haven't been for a while I guess. Except for the weight loss which I am pleased about, I don't think that I am in any shape at all.
I told Melissa at the pizza joint that the Salida Half Marathon is in just over a month and I guarantee that if I were to run it that I would be creamed. Forget a sub two hour finish on that course like I am used to, it would be more like 2:30 if I were lucky and I wouldn't even be able to run it all, lots of walking.
I also told her that when I was walking through Monument Valley Park last night... yes walking, that I doubt I could beat my Fall Series times from this fall even, and that is being twenty pounds lighter to boot.
The best way for me to describe training and life and everything else right now would be that everyday feels like the last twenty miles of Rocky Raccoon last year and if you know me and know of that story then you understand the weight of that statement. Those last twenty miles were the hardest twenty miles in my entire life. Just hard and that is how everything feels now... not easy. Not easy, not fun. It's all an uphill battle all the time and though the mud at that.. I don't get it though because I have trained more intensely in the past and have never felt this bad so I just understand what the difference is now. Where is the disconnect? That is what I need to figure out.
So for now I just wait and hope for brighter days with more hours of sunshine and warmth and try to have hope that will motivate me and get me going again. Hopefully then I will have a greater sense of confidence which is just lacking from everything right now. We will see. Right now I need to keep rolling the lacrosse ball along my ITB... that at least feels good!
|When the going gets tough... screw it. Just eat pizza.