And now with all of the bullshit spring snow getting out to ride is going to be really tough and probably won't be happening until after I get back from Mexico in three weeks. It is disheartening to look up and see where I want to be with the bikes in the mountains and to see all of the snow that JUST got there instead of JUST left there. Fucking April.
Let me put it this way. I loathe running inside and I think that treadmills are the work of the devil and everyone knows I have run in some pretty nasty shit in my days but Wednesday I more or less BEGGED to be able to run inside. Thankfully I was able to run in the new sports center at CC and had an awesome workout. Winter might not be done yet, but I am definitely done training in the winter weather this year. Done.
Anyway, all of this has really pushed me into survival mode. The work schedule adds to it all too. I am struggling with my diet and the numbers are going up. Something has to give and I admit to bit of comfort eating the past month just to get by. It is all really making me reevaluate my life, priorities, where I am, and where I want to be. Right now I have to say that my priorities are my life and health which includes my relationship with Melissa as my number one priority... me. Second... my training and Leadman as that sort of goes back to number one. Third my job. I can't and will not devote my life to that company in a manner that causes me discomfort or threatens priority number one, my health.
And then there is sleep... I sleep when I have to and can anymore. I try to keep a schedule but it isn't always consistent. I have no shame if I fall asleep at my desk working at 4:00 a.m. I don't. Getting by day to day anymore is tough enough in survival mode without having to constantly battle sleeping too.
But my shoulders have been backed into the turnbuckles long enough... time to start swinging back and get into the middle of the ring and retake control of the situation. Melissa leaves on Saturday for work so I really need to refocus next week, especially on diet to get ready for the Cheyenne Mountain 50K. I don't want to go into that race heavy. Get through the weekend and the weather and snow at the beginning of next week and just hope that is the the last of it.
As a side note I am scaling back my participation in Facebook in a very large way. I am not going to go into all of the whys and wherefores but I think that overall it has turned into a toxic environment for me (not intentional or anyone being particularly nasty just the overall tones of it all) and I think that Facebook has really missed the boat, jumped the shark, etc... I am seeing it as more and more symptomatic of what is wrong with us as a society as opposed to what is good... I see it as part of the problem and not the solution and I just don't want to play anymore. (Of course I will link my blog pages there but that will be about it.)
|Don't ask... it really has been tough in the ring the past couple of weeks... no shit!