Squeezed out 20 miles today in the wind which was just relentless every step or so it seemed. The fact that it was all the way up to Baptist Road along some of the most boring parts of the Santa Fe trail didn't help much either but I did get it done.
The absolute upside and cool part of it all was that Annie drove up to Baptist Road and parked there and met me a little south from there on the trail and ran part of the last two miles with me. We have ran together twice this week and it is a lot of fun. She likes her La Sportiva C-Lite II's that I picked up for her a couple of weeks ago.
Brutal honesty... this week has been a struggle. I have vacillated between quitting running altogether and pursuing other things in life (what I have no clue) to maybe just reassessing my goals and types of races that I will run in the future. It has been frustrating.
Melissa and I had a good talk about it all this morning and I was able to express to her both the depth and the intensity of my feelings in regards to how things went down in Texas and just how destroyed my self-esteem and confidence are right now in regards to running... I'm still a smug, cocky jerk in all other regards. At the same time I also know that even if things had gone as great as I would have hoped that I would still be sitting in some kind of post-race letdown or funk as well. That sword cuts both ways I guess.
During today's 20 miler I of course had a lot of time to think and me being me, I have determined that one way or the other I am going to power trough this. As always I will pick up the pieces and soldier on with my focus on the future, not what's behind me so much. It will take time a few weeks maybe before I start to feel better I am sure but eventually the confidence will return and I will see progress again. I just have to give it time.
And even if this were the end or the beginning of the end... I would never submit without a fight... I guess that is why this is one of my favorite Tom Petty songs...
Nah, I still have a lot of good years ahead of me, I know that.
Have a good weekend everyone!
Wow. I consider bagging it fairly often. But I am not sure I'd be happy about that in 10 years. So I keep at it.
ReplyDelete@GZ... yeah... that was another aspect of the entire internal struggle and dialogue last week... If I bagged it what would I do? Really? I love it too much and am too passionate about it to quit. Conflict. I've snapped out of it pretty much. Thankfully! :)
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