I am definitely disappointed in the DNF from this weekend in the Desert Rats 50 miler but I know deep down without a doubt that I absolutely made the best decision in not pushing forward on Saturday afternoon.
It was a decision based on many factors. Many. I won' t get into the list of tactical errors on my part which helped to set up this failure as there are still aspects to those decisions that I have yet to fully look at. One of the challenges that I faced yesterday was a bout of nausea and vomiting which if it happens every once in awhile, I can deal with and I typically feel better afterwards but, yesterday in the span of two hours I wretched six times, and the last one was a very uncomfortable spell of dry-heaves. This is the second time that has happened this spring as well. The last time was on Barr Trail a few weeks ago.
Of course the heat played a huge part in yesterday's race for me as well.
I can make excuses all day but it came down to to this... the last couple of miles DOWNHILL I had zero speed. I was not having fun. Let me repeat that, I was not having fun. I expect a certain amount of discomfort and general unpleasantness in most long races but I am generally, usually, in one way or the other having fun even just the slightest little bit. Not yesterday. As I crossed that ridge the second time I looked the cattle with sheer pity and felt truly sorry for them cause that has to be just one shitty place to be a cow.
Anyway... When I made it to the aid station at mile 32 I was done. I was not having fun and for the life of me I could not see any reason to continue on. I knew what the next 19 miles were going to be like, I have done them before and I know that the way things were going that there was no way that I could finish and still have some sort of happy ending to the story. No, it was a quality of life decision, pure and simple.
There is a lot more to the story and tons of other details but for now this is the 30,000 foot overview. For a 32 mile run I am feeling sufficiently beat up and tired. Beat up and tired enough to make me want to take a couple of more days off and really think about what I want to do for the rest of the summer and which races I may or may not do still.
At this point I am not adding any more races to the schedule and I am not taking any off. If anything I will decide to continue on and focus hard on San Juan for the next two months. After that THEN I will be considering Leadville. But for now, I will not commit to any course of action or inaction one way or the other.